Freak Out Moments and Irrational Fears

24 Jul

I think I just about gave Joel a heart attack yesterday.

I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom – you know, that’s happening way too often these days (sorry if that’s TMI, it’s just true) – and the way our little girl was laying made it uncomfortable to really move at all.  Joel was still awake, being the night owl that he is, so he heard me when I said “ouch, that hurts.”

From the look on his face, you would have thought I’d just said, “Baby, grab the bags, we need to go to the hospital!”  It was a look of pure panic.  I’ve never seen that look on his face before.  Joel was a cop, he likes to fight people at the gym (in a friendly way), he’s not really afraid of anything (except mayonnaise – more on this later)… until now.  I think I might have found his weak spot.  I really thought he might start freaking out.  He didn’t even really say anything, just stared at me, mouth gaping, eyes wider than a deer in the headlights, and fear written all over his face.

Luckily for him, it had nothing to do with being in labor – just apparently baby girl didn’t want me to be moving around or something.  I’m really hoping that the classes we’re going to take at the hospital soon will help with that panicked look.  I’m not sure that I can manage my own panic and his, too.

Now, back to that Mayonnaise issue.  Yep, it’s true.  Joel, my superman husband, has an irrational fear of mayonnaise.  This is how bad it is:

– if there is mayo on, in, or even near something, he won’t eat it.
– if he suspects there is mayo in something, he won’t eat it.  This includes things that are white, but that are made with yogurt or sour cream.
– if he sees a mayo commercial on TV, he will make me change the channel
– it took me almost 3 years of marriage before I could even bring ANY mayo into our home.
– now he won’t touch anything on the shelf that the mayo jar is kept on
– when we go to the grocery store, in the condiment aisle, he will move as far to the opposite side of the aisle from the mayo as he can get.
– and he won’t look at the part of the shelf where the mayo is

Just in case you think it would be funny to try and get him to eat mayo without his knowledge, let me just warn you… if he ever finds out, it’s quite likely that he will come and find you and hurt you physically.

I can’t figure out where or how his fear developed.  It’s not as if he had a bad experience as a child, or got food poisoning, or anything.  It’s not as if he’s allergic to it.  Or anything in it.  I mean, what’s in mayo, really – oil, vinegar, and eggs?  He eats all of those things.

Who knows.  But I do have a jar of mayo in our refrigerator right now.  And yes, like a good southern girl, it’s Duke’s.  But I have yet to have my first tomato sandwich of the summer.  The tomatoes we’ve gotten just haven’t tasted great this year.  I think it’s time for a trip to the farmer’s market.  For tomatoes and cucumbers.  And peaches.  I adore peaches just out of the refrigerator.

Also, I am watching the last time trial of the Tour de France as I watch this… I used to ride quite a bit – before we got married, I rode my bike probably 3-4 times a week.  Maybe 100 miles a week or more.  I loved it.  I know that the Tour doesn’t appeal to the general masses – I never watched it before I started riding.  But there is actually a lot of strategy involved in a long race like that.  Crazy.  Lots of crashes, sprints, mountains (ick), and time trials.  I will never be good enough to actually race, but I hope to get back on the bike after baby girl gets here.  I don’t think I’d even be able to pedal these days, with my 32 week belly getting kneed every pedal stroke.  Oh well… one day…

For now we’ll just work on eliminating the panic….

One Response to “Freak Out Moments and Irrational Fears”

  1. Karena July 29, 2010 at 12:00 am #

    Funny how much Joel fears mayo so much but he loves him some good restaurant ranch dressing to dip his fries in. Doesn’t he know that beloved ranch has mayo in it? Especially the good made from scratch kind they have at Chili’s and a number of other places. Silly cousin!! 🙂

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