Eviction Notice

23 Sep
Warning: moody, full-term pregnant woman rant ahead. Continue at your own risk. Really, it’s not going to be pretty.

This baby is due on Saturday and is showing no signs of moving out, so I am handing her an eviction notice.

We have an appointment with our doctor today – just our weekly visit – but this time I have an agenda. I am going to talk to him about inducing labor.

I realize that people have all kinds of opinions on the subject. In fact, on every subject. And for some reason, when you’re pregnant, it’s like they think they have free license to share their unsolicited opinions. If you happen to have a negative opinion about doctors inducing labor, please just keep it to yourself.

Especially if you’ve never been pregnant. Once you are 40+ weeks pregnant and miserable, willing to do anything to get this child out even it has to come out through your nose, then you can talk to me about it. Until then, you don’t know what it’s like, and I don’t want to hear it.

Because I am miserable.

I am a mess.

I have cried every day this week. And by cried, I mean bawled. Really really ugly cry. Like my eyes are almost swollen shut from how much crying I’ve been doing.

I have been awake since 3am. This happens at least once a week now. Sometimes more often.

I have cleaned and staged my entire house for buyers who have not come to look at it.

I have baked everything in sight. Sweet scones, savory scones, candies, cookies, fruit butter, and lime curd. And I can’t even eat it, because there is no room in my stomach. It’s being squished into nothingness by this infant.

I feel trapped in my house because if I go out, I get stared at. (I am aware that I have a giant belly. The baby is not going to pop out while you’re watching. No need to stare.) Or barraged with unsolicited opinions from strangers. Or patronized. Or stared at. Oh, did I mention that already?

I am by myself all day because Joel is at law school or studying (which he totally should be – he’s doing great. I’m just lonely.)

I can’t even call anyone on the phone, because everyone answers with that same excited and hopeful tone that perhaps this is the call, and everyone has the same disappointed tone when they discover that it, in fact, is not.

I discovered this week that both my sister and I came a week late and my mom had to be induced as well – so I’m not holding out much hope that this little girl will decide to enter the world on her own.

For those who are concerned, yes, I do understand the risks. Yes, I also realize that I’m not past my due date yet. However, all my appointments are on Thursdays now. If I wait until next week to ask about it, I will already be almost a week past due, and then they still have to schedule something. And I’m not sure I can mentally or emotionally handle another 2 weeks of feeling like this. I’m pretty sure that my current emotional state isn’t very healthy for either of us.

Anyway, there’s probably not anyone still reading this. That’s fine – this is more about me venting than you reading. If, by some crazy chance someone is still reading, I’ll let you know what the doctor says.

And I’m going to post all of those recipes I’ve been baking. Yep. Current favorites: Butterscotch Cashew Bars and Jalapeno-Cheddar Scones. Not together. Ew. But separately they are both very good. And probably terrible for you. But who cares?

6 Responses to “Eviction Notice”

  1. Kim Smith September 23, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    You are hilarious, and I love your honesty. 🙂

  2. Heather September 23, 2010 at 11:15 am #

    I’m listening!! Been there, totally get how you are feeling. With CE, I went TEN DAYS past my date. TEN long days. I remember at my last appointment before he was born when I “thought” I was in labor, my midwife did the sweetest thing. She patted me on the cheek and told me it was OK to cry. I totally needed that.
    So, it’s OK to cry.
    Hang in there. You’re at mile 12 of a half marathon. Then end is in sight!
    Yay for you!

  3. Rachel Barker September 23, 2010 at 9:10 pm #

    I love that you will not let anyone tell you their opinions on inducing. From what my friend April says, the “advice” doesn’t stop after you give birth. People will constantly try to tell you how to raise your child, how to live your life, how to butter your bread (dr seuss?).

    I am praying for your baby, for you physically and mentally, and for Joel!

  4. Kelli September 23, 2010 at 11:55 pm #

    I know how you feel! It feels like forever ago though that I was waiting for Camryn to decide to enter the world…I can’t believe it’s been 3 months! Feel free to come hang out here anytime you feel lonely! We won’t stare at your belly or give you any advice you don’t want :).

  5. your mom September 24, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    I’m not sure I want to know what the pain of birthing a child through your nose would be like… but I’m pretty sure it would really make you cry like you have never cried before. 🙂

    … and I’m pretty sure it requires a sheriff or an attorney to serve an eviction notice.

    I’m off for the next four days. I’m as close as the phone.
    I love you.

  6. meliss September 24, 2010 at 10:49 pm #

    this should seriously go in a magazine

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