Welcome to Mommyhood

5 Oct

Yesterday, my little Clara turned a week old.  It’s kind of hard to believe.  All at once it seems like she’s brand new and like she’s been in our lives forever.  She fits so perfectly.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an easy transition.  Our first two nights home were kinda rough.  She wanted to eat every 1.5 hours.  And it took me an hour to feed her because she kept falling asleep.  So by the time I’d put her back down, there would be about 20 minutes left until she wanted to eat again.  Joel had classes, so I got up and took her out to the nursery to feed her every time, so that he could get some sleep and stay awake in class.  I really didn’t sleep all night.

By the time Friday morning rolled around and I had to get myself together and out of the house to take Clara to the pediatrician, I was a total disaster.  Joel got up and headed out to class, but came back upstairs just as she was waking up because of another dirty diaper.  He came into the nursery and saw me about ready to break down completely.  He grabbed my sister and had her come up to help me – and just in time, because I couldn’t see through my tears to put a new one on her.  And I had to pee.  Those little things become incredibly more complicated with a newborn.  It’s hard to believe.

I had just enough time to get dressed, put on some makeup that I promptly cried right off, and eat breakfast before my mom drove me to the pediatrician.  Our visit went well.  When we’d left the hospital, Clara was somewhere around 6lb 13 oz.  The pediatrician was thrilled to find that she had already gained back 3 oz and was back up to an even 7 lbs.  I think all of that 1.5 hour apart feeding was because she wanted to show off for the doctor.  Little showoff.

I’m so thankful that my family was here for a week to help us with things.  My mom made food and got me drinks and cleaned and did laundry and dishes and kept the house cleaned up in case anyone wanted to come look at it.  Which they didn’t… but anyway.  They would hold Clara when I needed a break, and the best part is that they just couldn’t get enough of her sweetness.  So they didn’t mind at all.  I really couldn’t have done it without them.

Being a mom is so far one of the best, most rewarding things, and at the same time one of the most challenging, difficult things I’ve ever done in my life.  I love this little girl with all my heart, and at the same time, I find myself getting frustrated because I don’t always rarely understand what she needs from me.  I want more than anything to be a good mom.  What exactly that looks like I’m not sure.

If I am being really honest, this week has been tough for me.  I haven’t left the house but twice in over 8 days.  I want to be outside enjoying the beautiful fall weather that everyone is talking about.  At first I couldn’t leave because I was in too much pain (stitches aren’t fun, sorry if that’s TMI).  I didn’t want to move from the couch.  Now I’m not sure I can get myself and Clara all together enough to actually make it out the door by myself.  I’m gonna have to do a practice run soon while Joel is here, just to prove to myself that I can do it.  I know that I can.  People do it all the time, right?  Go out by themselves with a baby.  I don’t know why I feel so paralyzed about it. But I do.  I am going to make it work.  I’m ready for these crazy raging hormones to level out so that I can stop crying every day.  I have this amazing miracle, this perfect, beautiful baby in my life now, and I’m crying every day.  Sometimes it’s because I am so in awe of her, and sometimes it’s because I just feel helpless.  Nevertheless, I am crying.  And I really hate crying.  Seriously.

At any rate… this is the cutie-patootie face I’m looking at as I finish typing this (it’s only taken me 3 days to write this post. Hard to type while holding/feeding a baby or changing diapers…please excuse any grammatical errors.)

I know that I’m baised, but I happen to think she’s beautiful!

Joel’s parents arrive tonight – they’ve been in the Mediterranean on a super awesome anniversary cruise!  Happy Anniversary Pam & JD!  I know they’re dying to see her, and we’ll need more pictures, so you can expect a pictures-only post in your near future.  I know, I know… you can’t wait! 🙂

4 Responses to “Welcome to Mommyhood”

  1. Anna October 5, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    Hang in there Rebecca!!

    You’re doing great and it will get easier. Love on that sweet girl and take all the help you can get, you’ll wonder where these days went.

    Looking forward to seeing more pictures of that sweet little one!

  2. Cheyenne Schultz October 6, 2010 at 2:57 am #

    again, congratulations to you, rebecca! and hang in there with everything….it WILL get easier and you WILL make it outside…if only for a short walk around the block! And really…I cried for what seemed like all day every day for weeks (hope that doesn’t scare you…only said it to let you know that – I think – it’s normal). We had to take Boone to the pediatrician the day after we got home from the hospital to check on his jaundice levels – I walked in the front doors of the place to sign him in and started SOBBING. It’s funny to me now to think about that day. You hang in there and know that everything will even out and that you are doing the best job that you know how. You’re going to be a great mama to her…already are. xoxo.

  3. Lisa October 7, 2010 at 11:32 am #

    Rebecca,

    I don’t remember a whole lot from Regan’s first few weeks. I was in a hormonal, sleep deprived, haze but I do remember the day I came home from the hospital. I laid down on the bonus room floor, in fetal position, and cried my eyes out. There was no one reason in particular just a culmination of emotion, hormones and who the heck know what else but sometimes the tears just need to come. You are a great mother. You will look back on this post in a few weeks and smile because you will have made it through one of the biggest changes in your life and you will emerge a new, better, more confidant Rebecca ready to face any challenges new motherhood may throw your way!

  4. oaxacaborn October 11, 2010 at 10:46 pm #

    oh, goodness, she is positively beautiful! can’t wait to meet my own little girl (due jan 10!)

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