Soaking in Every Moment

2 Dec

Every smile.  Every coo.  Every snuggle.

It is really amazing.  People always tell you that they grow up too fast.  Boy, are they ever right.  I can’t even believe it, that at 9 weeks old, already the little baby parts of Clara are starting to fade away.  She does not look like a newborn anymore.  She is not content just sitting in her chair anymore.  She wants to be sitting in her bumbo chair (yes, can you believe it??), pulling herself up when I hold onto her hands, looking around, taking it all in, jabbering up a storm.  She is getting her first tooth.  She’s starting to outgrow some of her 0-3 month clothes.  Not the width of them – she’s still a little skinny minny – but she is super long, and has reached the end of some of those clothes.

PS, moms out there – if you know which brands of clothes are the longer ones vs the wider ones, let me know please!!

It’s like second nature getting out of the house with her now, and I laugh a little bit when I read back on that post where I was so paralyzed about getting us all together.  Thanks for all of you who told me that it would get better.  Turns out, you were right.  And it actually gets better very quickly.  That part of it at least.

It’s hard at the beginning.  There is so much change, and so much to adjust to.  It’s hard to enjoy every minute like everyone tells you to.  As I nodded my head at the people telling me to enjoy it, sometimes all I could think was, “How in the WORLD am I supposed to enjoy THIS moment… THIS moment when she is screaming her head off?  THIS moment when I haven’t slept in 6 days?  THIS moment when all I want to do is scream?”  And those are valid feelings.  But when I look back at it, even as close to it as I am still, what sticks out is not the screams, the explosions, the lack of sleep.  It’s the beautiful, tiny, perfect infant that curled up on my chest and fell asleep.  It’s the moments of completely overwhelming feelings of love and adoration that I didn’t know you could feel for a creature who is so new in your life.  It’s amazing how quickly this little thing can worm its way into your heart.  I really didn’t know it was possible.  How can I love this little person so much? I didn’t even know her.  But somehow I did.

I’m not gonna lie.  There are still those days when all I want to do is scream.  When I haven’t slept.  When she is screaming (currently because of teething). When I just need a break.  But I’m doing my best to remember that these aren’t the things that will stick out in my memory later.  Sure there will be funny stories about them.  As there should be.  But the moments I’ll remember are the snuggles, the coos, the firsts, the laughs, the long baby stares.  Those are the moments I’m trying to soak in.

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