The week ahead

9 Aug

Just a word of warning – I wrote this at 1am Monday night, after drinking 2 cups of coffee at 10pm.  I couldn’t sleep.  I ramble when I can’t sleep. There, now you’ve had fair warning… 

 

As much as I would like to put on a brave face and tell you that I’m not the least bit worried about Clara’s surgery Thursday, that would be a lie.

And since I promised from the beginning that I would keep it real here, I won’t lie to you, oh Internets.

I can hardly think about anything else. And since we are going to ikea this week, that is saying something.

Today we got a phone call from unc, but of course we missed it, so we have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it was about.

I’m running through the possibilities in my head over and over. Maybe they’re just calling to tell us what time to be there on Thursday (I never hope for things to happen at 6am, but since Clara can’t eat after midnight, I hope this is at 6am. A hungry Clara is a cranky Clara. Wonder where she got that from??), or maybe it’s something else. I have no idea.

(Turns out the phone call was just to remind us about the surgery. Really? Like I could forget?  They couldn’t even tell us yet what time the surgery would be.  Though we did hear today that we have to be there at 7am.  7am is good.  She won’t be too hungry yet.)

I’m thinking about how Clara will react to anesthesia, what recovery will be like, how long she’ll be in surgery, how much of her hair they’ll have to shave, if I’ll cry (probably definitely), if she will cry (probably not), how big of a turban she’ll come out with (ginormous), and countless other significant (and insignificant) things.

Most of them are ridiculous, and since I drank 2 cups if coffee at 10pm, they’re even more ridiculous right now.

Late night coffee and a brain that won’t shut off anyway are not good in combination with stress.

My parents are coming on Wednesday, which I’m very thankful for. I’m glad they’ll be here, but it also means my house needs to be cleaned, which is helping me keep my mind preoccupied. It’s a good thing.

I know that Clara will be in good, capable, caring hands. But there is still a part of me that wishes I could be in that OR with her. I’ve watched surgeries before (in my previous career as a medical device engineer, I observed heart surgeries). But I also know there is a reason I shouldn’t be in there. Probably thousands of reasons.

I am confident she will be fine. This is a very routine, outpatient surgery. The surgeon is very experienced. The hospital is good. God is great.

You could pray, if you want. For Clara, for the surgeon and anesthesiologist, for the nurses, and for a couple nervous, brave-faced parents. We’d appreciate it more than you know.

I don’t really have a conclusion to all of this. Just my  Monday night, 1am ramblings.

Highly caffeinated ramblings.

2 Responses to “The week ahead”

  1. Cheyenne Schultz August 10, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    Praying for a speedy recovery for Clara and for peace in your hearts through the surgery!
    xoxo.

  2. Joye August 10, 2011 at 10:41 pm #

    Lots of love and prayers headed your way, Mama!

    Bring her favorite toys .. a few for the waiting period before-hand and a few for recovery. Check with the anesthesiologist; they may let you walk her back to the OR and stay with her until she’s asleep. Don’t be afraid to ask those recovery nurses for more feel-good medicine for her if you feel like she’s really uncomfortable!

    Above all, you’ve already said the most important thing .. God is great and He’ll be holding her close.

    Please let us know if we can help in any way!

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